w/e 10/1/10 - They Ask Me If I've Had The Voices Yet...

"They don't think I know any true answers.
It's true that I haven't quite finished yet!
When it all comes out in the wash, they'll eat their words.
I've got all their names and addresses,
Later on I'll write each of them a thank-you letter."

A little while back, someone whose opinion I respect told me that, in the run-up to this BG attempt, I should spend as many days out on the fells as possible with the people who would be supporting me....so that they could get to know me, know my style, see what motivated me.

Not an easy thing for me to do. By my nature, I don't let many people get THAT close and I happily choose long days out on the fells on my own for a fair amount of the time. I love the solitude, the added excitement and danger of knowing it's just me and the mountains and I'm in deep shit if I get an injury THIS far off-path! I love depending on no-one, and conversely, no-one depending on me.

But I've pondered over that advice and recognise that it is indeed good advice.

And I've also pondered over what DOES make me tick. What pushes me and motivates me when the chips are down.

And in the midst of life's (sometimes) uneasy lessons, I've observed that I do need to be backed into a corner, so that I come out fighting. Ironic, for somebody who is so non-violent. Or perhaps that's the point. You have to push and push to a point where I eventually explode and then channel that in the right way. I can cite examples from my past.

I guess the good news is that a few people just lately have started backing me into that corner. I feel a sense of indignation at the moment, which may either subside, or rise, in which case I need to channel it. Thank-you letters are being drafted ;-)

I probably need someone (the right someone) to tell me outright that I can't do the BG and that I'm not up to it - that will guarantee success!!

This week's training has been severely interrupted by the weather again. Heavy snow, waist-deep drifts. There's no point getting stressed. Get out there, enjoy it, hold on for the better weather and the chance to head up onto proper fells.

Wednesday evening saw me head over to Littleborough on the train, and join 4 other intrepid souls on an adventure up to Blackstone Edge. It was never fast, it was frequently disrupted by falls in the snow. It was also fucking cold!! :-) But above and beyond all that, it was great fun. I thawed out with several pints in the Red Lion afterwards, before donning cold shoes again for the train journey then mile run home.

Friday saw me head up onto Midgley Moor in lovely weather, to watch the sun going down from Churn Milk Joan, which had a very poor 2p on top....things really are tough in West Yorkshire!

Saturday morning saw an early bus ride in freezing conditions, into "Pretentious-ville" ;-) to meet up with Elise from the club who'd decided to do a 50k run to celebrate her 50th. She hadn't reckoned with the snow!! I got there for 7.20am and thought nobody else was turning up....but by 7.35, there must have been over 20 runners heading up to Stoodley...a great turnout. Conditions were wild on the top, over Erringden Moor and up to the Pike, as the snow started in earnest, whipped up on strengthening winds. Past Gaddings, the wind tore to chill us all to the bone and leave one side of everyone covered in ice and frost! It got warmer on the drop down into Tod. The plan had been to do the whole lot, and the weather was certainly improving. But the head had other ideas and I lost the will on the way out of Tod, consumed by other thoughts. Best to call it a day, rest and reflect. A good early morning out for the most part anyway.

Sunday saw us heading out to "recce" the Hebden (although why you'd recce an LDWA event I don't know ;-) :-) ) Bus to Hebden, walky-run up to Slack and then pick up the route. Tough going again in the snow and ice. Jumble Hole Clough was descended on the higher path, the climb up to Stoodley was hard work in freezing cold winds which was causing drifts. Dicks Lane was a wild place, me cutting a trail through thigh-deep drifts. The route across the moor was lost in the snow, ending in a boggy last couple of hundred yards. And then the descent into Spring Wood was a bit dodgy and a half-slip right at the top spooked me for a while. I was fed a peanut bar to lift my flagging spirits, and was fine again soon after. The wind was really whipping up now and it had started to snow again. Added to which, progress was slow in the conditions and the light was starting to fade. We made our way up Cragg Vale to the road crossing point....and then the fun started!

Once we'd crossed the road, the route headed initially across fields and then along an enclosed track...all of which had seen strong drifts, and the wind was still whipping the snow across us. Progress was painful. One minute on top of the hard snow, the next plunging in over knee-deep. We struggled on the meet the road again and decided, in view of time and tiredness, to follow the road along for a while, before dropping down to Robin Hood Rocks and back over Scout Rock. A really tough day out, a proper workout for the legs and a good lesson in keeping going when conditions are tough.

The snow has started to melt now, and hopefully in the next couple of days I'll be able to get the car out. Plus, with some of the snow gone, I'll be able to get back to some proper runs!!

Total for the week - 37mls & 7,000ft